L5P3 - It is in My Name

I'm honored to be with you today, with the friendliest Toastmaster Club, speaking to some of the national finest orators in this meeting. Truth to be told, I’m not from an English education background. None of my parents nor sibling speaks English,  nor they received proper, former education.

Today, I’m going to tell you 3 stories from my Toastmaster journey. No big deal, just 3 stories.

The first story is about dancing with my own shadow. It was November 2018. My wife got a rare opportunity to go for training at United Kingdom. It was a 3 week trip, and I effectively a single father for that period of time. Coincidentally, my son was down with the worst episode of bronchitis. To make the matter worse, it was the busiest period in our business unit. Emotions were running high at home. Laden with anxiety, panic, anger and sense of helplessness, I raised my voice at my kids on many occasions. That hurt my kids, and myself too. 

One day, I asked my daughter Hannah: "Do you like Daddy?" 

"No. I don't like Daddy!"

My heart shattered. And I asked her: "Why?"

"Because Daddy is always angry!"

That really made me think what had happened to me. 

3 months later, I was given a challenge to deliver a speech: How to kill someone. My creative juice was running, and I decided to emulate Joker in the Dark Knight movie. My shadow brother, Alex took over. 

"Why. So. Serious??"

"Brother Alan, it was our best speech ever! It was angry, revengeful and sinister with precise understanding on human psychology. It is about how to create a living hell in their own mind, without physically kill them. This speech was liberating, authentic, dark but yet, not accepted by many."

"Alex, you may go now."

I begin to understand my shadow brother existence. He is here to protect me. He is part of me that I disowned, so that I can have the acceptance that I yearned for so long. I was angry, because I have a standard on how a man should be a father was violated. And I project that anger to my daughter, who was just asking for my patience, love and attention.

Looking back, it was pretty scary at that time. Will I really turned in the Joker? Now, on a hindsight, it was one of the best decision I ever made. I learn to acknowledge and converse with my shadow. I learn to be more authentic to myself. I learn to build my emotion strength. Because of that, now, I have a better sense of life balance, that cascade down to better relationship with others especially my family whom I hold so dear. Because of that, now, I'm more ready to take on life's challenges. This is what I have learned: 

The shadow is the greatest teacher for how to come to light. 

The second story is about twist and turn. It was May 2019, and I was delivering my L2 project: Understanding your communication style. The title of the speech was: "The Doctor, The Teacher and The Soldier". Ricky Soo , PR Director of District 102 was my evaluator. 

"Alan, you speak like a TED speaker," he commented.

"I hope one day I can stand on TED platform to share my message,"

"What's the topic you want to share?"

"Confinement Daddy," I answered. 

Somehow, the words traveled. Madam Phang Saw Yong from School of Hardknock Toastmasters Club called me. We had a short chat over the phone on my Confinement Daddy experience. She asked me:

"Do you want to share your experience at our event?"

"Yes. Why not?"

It was a day I will never forget. 22 October 2019, 11am at Jaya One public library. The lady who inspired my daughter's name came in. She was the guest of honor. Hannah Yeoh - the then Deputy Minister of Women, Family and Community Development walked in. To my great surprise, she invited me to be part of her national family promotion program after my speech. This experience was cemented into our family as one of the unforgettable, sweet moment. We received coverage from motherhood.com.my and Mombaby Magazine. As we speak, I shared this message to Money & You international community last week. 

It all started with a speech, and it turned into an adventure. It started with a dream and turned into reality. It started by sharing and new opportunities emerged. Sometimes, life invite you for a twist and turn. Accept the invitation and go with the flow. 

The third story is about naming a child. 

39 years ago, sometime in the month of March, Dr Mark from Hospital Batu Pahat told my Mum: 

"You have to go for an emergency Cesarean. Your son is way overdue."

Reluctantly, my Mum went for that procedure. During that time, it was a vertical incision, from belly button to pubic area. Not the bikini incision like nowadays. My birth left a lifetime scar on my Mum. 

My Mum was not very well educated. But yet she hired the best Feng Shui master at that time to give me my name. It was an act of faith, hope and love, with the vision that I will have a better life in future. Feng Ming. 峰鸣。

I never really understood the meaning of my name till recently. Feng (峰) means peak of the mountain. It also infers to Arete in ancient Greek, which means excellence of any kind, to live up to one's full potential. Ming (鸣) consists of two words - The bird and the lip. It means to produce beautiful voice, to astonish my audience, to bring light, to say something with integrity and to cry out against injustice. 

登峰造极，凤鸣朝阳, which means: To reach the peak of perfection, as the rising phoenix singing to the sunrise.

It is in my name. I was born to speak to change the destiny of myself and family. 

It is in my name. I was born to speak to break the manacles of family curse and chains of past. 

It is in my name. I was born to speak to lead my descendants to live in the seas of abundance. 

It is in my name. I was born to speak to bring blessings to people that cross paths with me. 

Mum knew this all these while. I was born to speak, because it is in my name. And I'm grateful to Toastmasters community have showed me the way to that mountain peak.

My Toastmasters experience is a journey of self-discovery, healing and building meaningful relationships. I'm very sure none of these will happen if I do not dance with my shadow. Sometimes life invites you for twists and turns. Go with the flow and enjoy it. I'm convinced that if we find our life purpose and pursue it, we will be a blessing to others. And I always wished that for myself. And now, as I reflect on my Toastmasters journey, I wished that for you too. 

May your Toastmaster journey a blessing to others. Thank you.