Just Another Storyteller

Once upon a time there were twin brothers who had an alcoholic father. The father abused them both. One became alcoholic, just like his father. When asked why he became alcoholic, he answered: "I saw my father doing so." Another brother became a very successful entrepreneur and he never touch alcohol. When asked why he never take a single sip of alcohol, he answered: "I saw my father doing so."

We all love stories. We are born for them. Stories form who we are. We all want affirmation that our life has meaning. There is no other greater affirmation that we connect through our stories. It allows us to experience, to bring back life, to feel, to see, to hear and to touch the similarities among ourselves and to others, way beyond the way we can ever imagine. 

It was said Pixar would not survive the onslaught of Disney animations. They were facing the giant who had The Lion King, The Jungle Book, Beauty and the Beast, Tarzan and many other classics. The Disney style was songs, "I want" song, Happy Village song, love story and villain. In stark contrary, Pixar was going against the Disney style. No songs, no "I want" song, no Happy Village song, no love story and no villain. Without these, Pixar was "doomed" for sure. But the Pixar team was too young and rebellious. Because of their unyielding spirit to conformity, they gave rise to many great animation stories - a class of its very own e.g. Toy Story, Finding Nemo, Incredibles and Wall E. Perhaps, there is room for rebel after all. When that inner voice whisper, perhaps we should listen and seek to understand it.  

The stories we tell ourselves will shape who we are. The stories we tell others will affirm who they are. The stories we tell others reflects we we are. The stories we listen to define who we are. 

We may wished to be Dr Strange with the power of Time Stone. But the truth is, nobody can go back and re-start a new beginning. Yet, all of us can start today and make a new ending.  So, what is your story? Who will be in your story? How will you write your story? 

Take back control and write your own life story. 

TME: Fight or Flight

Have you ever swim in open water? 

Swimming in open water is one of the most liberating experience. You come face-to-face with your biggest fear: death. You are open to all the elements of nature which can throw your training out of window, if you do not manage your fear and anxiety well. 

The moment I'm in the water, one part of me screamed out: 

"Get out of there, else you will die!" 

"I'm drowning!"

"The wave is strong. You are going down!"

But yet another small and resilient voice whispered: 

"Give it a shot. You had enough training."

"Keep calm and just keep swimming."

"Your son is waiting for you at the finish line."

I chose to fight instead of flight. I won again. Thank you my old friend, fear. I made me stronger.

I learned that open water swimming experience doesn't have to be just the absence of fear but it can be an enjoyable, confidence-boosting part of my training and racing. Most importantly, I learn how to manage my fear and anxiety. 

Fear is an emotion that is biologically 'ingrained' for the very survival of Homo sapiens - flight or fight when intimidated or threatened. Fear is highly associated with risks - probability of loss. More often than not, fear is taught and pass down from one generation to another.

To overcome this animal - fear, we need our weaponry. Recognize that we all have fear. And accept that fact and face it. The battle is half won.

1. Shield of inner peace. We need to be at peace with ourselves when facing fear. You know who you are, what you do and why you are here. The inner peace will silence the intimidating voice by fear, which often is loud and distracting our mind. With that, you are able to focus.
2. Breastplate of courage. It is the mental strength to overcome fear. Be prepare to have face-to-face sessions with fear. It will protect your heart from being disheartened in event we failed in early attempts.
3. Helm of knowledge. It allows you to creatively use all the resources you had to combat fear. This need to be accumulated by counseling the wise ones, reading and adapting their advice into your own practice.
4. Claymore of determination. Persistent, never give up, just give it another try. This is the only active weapon that I can think of. The rest are passive armors. Many times, fear cannot be slain in one single attempt. But as we go along trying to do that, we will realize that the onslaughts of fear are dwarfed into manageable level.

In face of fear, just do it, anyway.

29 May 2019, Nielsen Malaysia Toastmasters Club

L1P2.2 - Being Happy Takes Work

We all live in if-then society. Get that car and get more chicks, have that bra and have
more boys, have more money and you will be happy. We live through a prescription list, believing that by following this list is the path to our happiness. Is it true?

We spend our entire life learning to be unhappy. Instead of aspiring to be who we really are, we ran through a list of meeting other people expectations, yearning to be accepted by others. I came to my realization that being happy takes work. I distilled it into 3 lessons. 


Lesson 1 - Be Kind and Forgive

Anger is like a hot coal. It burns the person that holds onto it. We wanted to let go, but we think those people does not deserve our sympathy. But the problem on anger is that, the more we focus on it, the more it grows. Our mind internalized the past into our thinking, it thinks about the future and it eventually it becomes a pattern. For example:  

"I was betrayed by my spouse. He cheated on me. I do not want to be in love again as the pain is too much for me to bear".

"My last public speaking was a total disaster. I will never speak again."

"My father is a scoundrel. He is irresponsible, abusive and mistreated our family. I will not forgive him for whatever he had done."

Ironically, the antidote for anger is forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn't mean that we do not hold the person accountable, but we allow ourselves to walk free. Forgiveness breaks the destructive anger pattern, even the anger is towards ourselves. Forgiveness creates new room for emotional growth.


Lesson 2 - Reconcile with our dark side


The portrayal of Alex, my dark brother (in actual is the manifestation of my shadow self) had tried hard to protect me. Revenge was the best option that he understand to get the scale even. He continued to exist in my subconscious mind, leading to ongoing destructive behaviors and self-ruining patterns. I shouted at my kids, hot tempered, making bad decisions and even hurting my closest relationship. 

I came to realization: "If I do not heal my hurt, I will cut those who did not bleed me." It will be selfish for me if I continued to be so. At the same time, I came to realization feels like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation , resentment, anger, jealousy and fear... are very clear moments that teach me where is that I'm holding back. It acts like internal compass that tell me with terrifying clarity, exactly where I'm stuck. 

The way to heal is to recognize, acknowledge, make peace and reconcile with my dark side, which is a product of my past. It can be only done by openly expressing ourselves without masks or pretense, with integrity, self love and self respect. It comes with a risk - that I may be ostracized. But this is the only way for real self breakthrough, coupled with forgiveness. 

Lesson 3 - Dream about Future 

I observed that those who are happy are dreamers, idealist. They worked towards a future that they believed in. 

I aspire to be like Grandma Taala in Disney animation, Moana, guiding her family and descendants to realize their potential and back to root of who they are. 

I have a dream. I dream that I see my children and their children grow with emotional fitness and psychology strength to face any challenges in their life. 

I have a dream. I dream that I break the manacles of family curse and chains of past, that my descendants live in the seas of abundance. 

I have a dream. I dream that I bring healing to our trans generational trauma, rediscover our inter generational wisdom and bring blessings that come with it. 

I have a dream. I dream to realize authentic freedom for myself and people around me, that all of us will be free indeed. 

I have a dream. That our family will be strong, powerful, living in the earthly and heavenly abundance, at peace with themselves and people around them. 

I'm still learning to be happy. Perhaps by accepting who I'm, letting go and forgive the past, making progress and learn to be fulfilled everyday, helping  others to realize a meaningful future will make me happy. And that, takes work. 

27 February 2019, Nielsen Malaysia Toastmasters Club

L1P1 - Icebreaker: The Answer Lies In the Heart of Battle

The answer lies in the heart of battle.

I was born into a colorful family background. The family of my father side struggled with alcohol and drug abuse. My mother side was smarter. They were the one involved in the supply chain of drugs. My mum, was the prettiest mamasan at my hometown. I had visited numerous nightclubs during my primary school days. And I know some of my schoolmates' father's deepest secret. I still keep it, till today. 

I'm a survivor of domestic violence. Years of physical and emotional abuse had cast a long, dark shadow into my psychological well being. Nevertheless, I was blessed by a family who choose me to be part of them.  I grew up resentful and angry during my teenage years. I modeled my life against my father. Whatever he did, I chose to do the reverse. 

I was a top 10 students in my school during my SPM. But I had an emotional breakdown during my Form 6 days that pushed me to the brink of depression. I ended up with only mediocre STPM results. Fortunately, I was chosen to pursue my undergraduate degree in Universiti Malaysia Sabah (UMS). It was the best days of my life. I earned a carefree life, and as a bonus, a degree with a national young research award in Biotechnology. And I met the love of my life at Land Below The Wind. 

The answer lies in the heart of battle. 

5 years ago, I was severely overweight, bogged down with all the possible heart disease indicators. I felt so powerless, could not control myself and my health conditions was at its worst. On a fateful day, my ex-superior coerced into doing tasks that I felt at the borderline of being unethical, believed that I do not a choice but follow. I shared with one of my good friend, and he said:" Alan, you can make a choice." Those words woke me up from my deep slumber. I decided to reject my ex-superior instruction on ethical grounds. More importantly I decided to change my body, rejuvenate my mind and strengthen my mindset. A year later, here I'm, a much better version of me. 

The answer lies in the heart of battle. 

I attended Money & You training course in October 2016. I got to realized that I made bad decisions and hurt the people around me because my blueprint of childhood. It was shadowed by my abused experience and I decided to change it. I had a heart-to-heart talk with my father.  I came to understand that perhaps he was also a victim of the situation. He could have made a better choice, he decided to choose the easy way out. We came to agreement on how to move forward for the best of our family. It was a liberating experience. 

We all have a past. That past can define our future if we allow it. So, my fellow Toastmasters, in any situation, never give up the power of your choice. Be strong, be courageous, because the answer lies in the heart of battle.

"The Answer Lies In The Heart of Battle" - Ryu, Street Fighter 4 introduction quote

12 December 2018: L1P1 Icebreaker speech. Nielsen Malaysia Toastmasters Club