"Alan Oh, you have come so far. Alan Oh, listen. Do you know who you are?"
Who am I?
"You got pregnant again? Just go for abortion!"
I was petrified. Am I going to end my life here? Is my body going to be torn by those blood-thirsty metal rod? Is my skull going to be crushed in pieces? No, Mum. I don't want to die. How could a father utter these words? Asking his own wife to kill his own son?
"Are you insane? I have gone through two abortions! I want to keep this baby!"
11 March 1981, my Mum endured a Cesarean to bring me to this world. My biological father family were alcoholic and drug abusers. My mother's family was smarter. They were the suppliers of drugs and women. Strange as it sounds, it was as if our family was "cursed". The life of our previous generations was repeated in our current generation. It is a life of self-limiting, self destruction and with constant hopelessness and defeat.
I was the outlier in the family. I felt very distant from my biological family since young. I do not smoke, drink nor touch any drugs. Maybe, I was born as an outcast of the family.
Outcast, indeed. I was cast out by my father from the family when I was 15. Simply because I confronted his abusive words and actions. "Get out of this house! I do not have a son like you!" "Once I step out here, I will never come back." I kept my words. Till today, I never step into that house. It was not my home anyway. Outcast I'm, so be it.
Ever since, I was angry and resentful. I modeled my life against my father. It was very tiring, yet I hold onto it. For 20 years, I was caught in never-ending anger, insecurity and tried to get "fair and even" life. I felt I didn't deserve the best, even though I fought for the best, simply because I didn't receive it from my parents.
Martin Luther King once said: "Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hatred, only love can do that." 20 January 2013 was the day of my rites of passage as a man. I became a father. I was blessed with three wonderful kids: Matthew, Hannah and Jonathan. I love them dearly, but I'm my own worst enemy. There were times I hurt my own kids emotionally, triggered by the ghosts of my past. I shouted at them, throwing my tantrums, at times even using sarcastic words against them. It was painful, as I was torn between my emotional versus my spiritual being. I wanted to be whole again. I turned to my speeches.
I decided to reflect deeply on my life before I deliver my speech. With each speech I delivered, I got to know, love and forgive myself.
I decided to share my personal struggles through my speeches, risking to be labelled as an "outcast". With each speech I delivered, it was a checkpoint to gather life lessons and made me wiser.
With each speech I delivered, I cast out my own darkness and hatred, allowing light and love to come into my life and share it with others.
As I pondered on my life, I begin to understand why I am an outcast of the family.
I'm an outcast, so that I can be a father of three great kids, who raise them to be strong, loving and confident in their own ways.
I'm an outcast, so that I can be a dreamer, who pursue his dream with will of a steel and a heart of fire.
I'm an outcast, so that I can be a storyteller, who empower those who are here, to search their best version of themselves.
And I would like to ask you tonight, ladies and gentlemen: Who you really are?
While pain in life is inevitable, confusion is inevitable, struggles are inevitable and Thanos is inevitable in the Endgame, but yet deep in me, I know this.
A father, a storyteller, a dreamer is who I am.
I'm IronDad.
Presidential Speech 01: Grow and Blossom
Presidential Speech 02: Begin with the End in Mind
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