L4P2: The Harem in My Head

Pornography is strictly banned in a conservative, holier-than-thou country named BolehLand. Sex and nude scenes are strictly disallowed by censors.

Interestingly, in the year of Vision 2020, there has been a huge spike in number worldwide turning to porn. The BolehLanders ranked fourth for searching “coronavirus porn” in Pornhub, the world’s largest porn site. Don’t ask me what that is. I’m still trying to figure it out.

Even more interestingly, Pornhub is blocked in BolehLand! Indeed, BolehLanders are indeed geniuses in porn search. Give yourself a big clap, guys!! Great job, well done for triumphant over the Lion City dwellers! They can steal our nasi lemak, bah kut teh, satay and even Nyonya food, but they can never outshine BolehLanders’ passion in porn!

It is elephant in the room. 9 out of 10 men confessed they had consumed porn in their lifetime. Whereas the 1 out of 10 men is like the speaker today, spending his time to adhere to the holy command of “be fruitful and multiply”, causing his pocket empty, sleepless nights and regrets it miserably. It seems that pornography is a better choice. Until medical research shows otherwise.

Porn-addicted young men, aged 18 – 40, are more likely to suffer from erectile dysfunction. Globally, 30% of these young men suffered from various degrees of erectile dysfunction, comparatively to less than 10% 15 years ago. They are less likely to be satisfied with sexual intercourse, unable to perform when the opportunity presents itself. If you are consuming these highly stimulating erotica materials over 20 mins per day, chances are, you are a porn-addict.

Pornography, is like super stimuli: tobacco, cocaine, heroin. The consumption of these substance produces a brain chemical – dopamine. It creates a feeling of pleasure and motivates us to act in certain ways. With repetitive stimuli and response, it becomes a habit. It gets you hooked. The problem with porn is, watching smut videos at the click of button leads to dopamine overload. Over time you need more stimulation to reach the same ‘high’. That means you need to ‘level up’ on variety and excitement. The end result is devastating – Disconnected from real world and unable to enjoy real-life sex.

Here is the confession of a 25 years old man on impact of pornography to his life.

“You practice repeatedly – you train your brain to respond to a certain stimulus. Like Pavlov’s dog that salivated when I heard the bell, we condition ourselves: when we become sexually aroused or we crave a screen, we crave novelty and shock, something we can keep clicking on. But when I am with a real partner, there is no novelty. My body was not trained for skin-on-skin contact. It has been trained for hand-on-keyboard contact. Worse, I shifted towards more extreme. From man-girl to more men-girl, more girls, compilation of intense short clips, rough, humiliation, role plays. Women became a sex object. I had porn induced erectile dysfunction at the age of twenty-three, and I became dependent on porn to feel anything.

 

The impact of pornography is deeply damaging.

·       It decreases the motivation to find sex partner, to start a family

·       It leads to lesser sexual and relationship satisfaction

·       Worst: It normalize sexual violence and objectify women.

Nevertheless, as of any emotional or mental challenges, porn induced erectile dysfunction can be treated. While drugs like Viagra and Cialis may help fixing temporary physiology performance, the long-term solution is to go for reboot therapy. Counselling, psychological and group therapy are proven effective to regain a healthy sex life again. The harem in your head is just a fantasy. Please, I urge you, do get help if you struggle with pornography.

 

I would like to end with final food for thought from a porn rehab:

I am two years porn free. I regret that I ever looked at porn and directed my life in such a way. It stunts you as a human being when you start looking at it so young. I never learned to problem solve, compassionate, empathy, or see other women as anything beyond meat for my personal use. It is as though I got locked in that selfish 12-year-old kid place and never left it. You constantly escape the world of adult responsibility and maturity to consume porn when life gets hectic. Consequently, you never learn to be an adult until you stop watching pornography.

L4P2: Question and Answer session