L1P1 - Icebreaker - Second Half

The life expectancy of a Malaysian, male Chinese is 75.9 years old in 2021 – Department of Statistics, Malaysia. At my current biological age of 41, that means I am left with 35 years in this mortal realm.

 

11 March 1981, Wednesday night. I came to this world. My family background is rather, colorful. My biological father family were gangsters, drug abusers and alcoholic. My mother’s family was way smarter. They were loan sharks, suppliers of women and drugs. It is very comforting to know the intelligence of a child is inherited from mother.

 

I still remember that eventful night. He was drunk. For some strange reasons, his rage was triggered. Mirror was smashed into pieces, furniture were broken. My Mum was pinned down on the bed. He strangled her with towel. My Mum could not breath. He held a kitchen knife in his hand, ready to pierce into my Mum’s body. With all the might I had in my arm, I threw the heaviest lead hook punch of my life straight into his right cheek. He was grounded. Immediately I took the kitchen knife, pointing at him. “One step closer, I will kill you!” I commanded, with tears of fear in my eyes. He went away, and I quickly loosen the towel around my Mum’s neck. I was fourteen then.

 

This incident cast a long, dark shadows into my heart. Because of this, I caught in never-ending anger, insecurity and tried to get “fair and even” in life. I fought for the best in my life. But I contradicted with myself. I self-sabotaged my career advancement numerous times. I left it to chance. I gave up opportunities to raise my financial status. Instead, I gave excuses it is not worthwhile. Worse, at times, I hurt my own family and my intimate relationships emotionally, triggered by the ghost of my past. I competed with my father to be a better father than him. But worst of all, I got myself into cycle of self-pity. I felt I didn’t deserve the best, even I deserve it, simply because I didn’t receive it from my parents. I spend my first half of my life battling emotional trauma of my childhood.

 

On 18 March 2020, a total lockdown was announced. I was 39. Well into my second half.  I no longer had fixed income. Over 18 months, my savings were completely depleted. In time of crisis, this is when we could choose to be a better self or get tormented by the past. I began to feel, very tired. Tired of being tormented by the past. Tired of being unable to create a better future for myself and my family. Tired of being self-pity. Tired of self-sabotaging. I was very tired carrying the baggage of my past. My first half of my life was wasted battling my childhood emotional trauma.

I want a better future for myself in my second half. I want better opportunities for my family in my second half. I want my descendants to be prosperous, strong and courageous. And I made a choice to focus to design my life, business and family in my second half. Statistically speaking, I may have only 35 years on this earth. Why spend it dwelling in past while I can create a better future with it? Dear Alan Oh, 41 years is too much time wasted.

Over the past 8 months, I begin to make choices. I choose to live by choice, not by chance. I choose to make changes not excuses. I choose motivation over manipulation. I choose to excel not compete. I choose self-esteem, over self-pity. And when I choose and focus the better future for myself over the last 8 months, I begin to have foretaste of true success in my life. This will be second half of my life. And you, can have it too.  

 

Photo by Sven Kucinic on Unsplash