Love can't be described.
It has no shape, it has no form.
Love is not an object.
Love does not conform.
Love enters our lives
The moment we are in womb.
From the cradle to the grave,
Love's in everyone.
Love can leave you empty,
Love can make you whole.
Love can make or break you,
Love is in your soul.
Love is all around you.
It is everywhere.
Love's a gift from God
To be shared amongst us all.
(Adapted from: A Gift from God by John P. Read)
Welcome fellow members of Friendship TMC and beloved guests. Time flies. Here we are today, 2 February 2021. It is a month of celebration courtly love. Across many places in the globe, candy, flowers and gifts are exchanged between lovers, who are, falling in love to each other.
Ya, falling in love to each other. Have anyone of you fall in love before? Common, don’t be shy. There is nothing wrong about it. How does that feel? Do you like the feeling? Why is that so? How were you after all these feelings of “adoration”, “sweeping me off the ground”, “senseless urge to get married and make babies” were over?
The phrase “falling in love” in an accurate statement for many, including myself. When we fall, we lose momentum and cease movement, stopping individual and mutual expansion. We dreamily tumble, intoxicated by euphoria. Before we know it, we are picking ourselves back up, trying to recover the pieces of our motionless self.
I still remember there was a girl whom I fall over heels to her, became obsessively insane about her. I launched a massive courtship strategic and tactical project, with intention of having her as my partner. I failed spectacularly. I confessed to her. Her reply was cricket sound. That was the worst reply. There was no closure. I was “friendzoned”.
Many years later, I realized the truth: I fall out of love because I fell in love with who I thought she was, not who she really is. We never love each other, purely one-sided chemistry attraction driven by raging alpha male hormones. That realization gave me the best feeling in the world: falling out of love with someone who never loved me. It was liberating, to say the least.
Life went on after I was “friendzoned.” Because of coursework, I had to work in group with other coursemates. There was this lady - soft spoken, gentle and highly intelligent was among us in the group. We got close because of the projects. We somehow got attracted to one another. It was like slow stream, flowing into river.
On 7 December 2002, at 2nd floor of McDonald Api-Api Center in Kota Kinabalu, we had a heart-to-heart talk. “If we trust this feeling of attraction, let us give ourselves a chance to try.” Since then, we are working on "this chance" for the past 19 years. We had countless ups and downs in our days, we choose to work together. We are blessed with three kids, and we will make this relationship work till the end of time.
Buckminster Fuller developed the concept of Orbiting in Love. Rather than falling, he suggests orbiting, where each individual comprising a pair rotates on their own axis, while orbiting the other. It is like the Earth and her Moon, the planets of our solar system around the Sun.
They do not need to be each other’s “better half” or “complete each other,” because each one is a whole person, all on their own. They create synergy with the equation 1+1=3, something bigger than the two of them together. There is freedom to learn and freedom to teach from one another.
I’m still trying to appreciate this relationship principal. While many of my attempts failed, the handful successful applications of this principle had paid very handsome dividends, which is immeasurable by monetary gain. We grow as individual and as partner. I will continue to learn and apply this principal in any relationship.
For those who are single, continue to invest in yourself to be a whole person, all on your own. For those who are committed, do consider choosing to orbit in love together. When we are whole and complete (with our unique personalities, strengths and weaknesses), we can and able to orbit in love, expand and grow with those who choose to orbit with us. Perhaps, that is the most successful principal in any relationship.
By the authority of Toastmasters International vested in me, mandate given by club members as President, decision to orbit in love as a complete and whole individual in this club, I hereby declare our meeting officially starts.
Photo by Matt Nelson on Unsplash
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