more boys, have more money and you will be happy. We live through a prescription list, believing that by following this list is the path to our happiness. Is it true?
We spend our entire life learning to be unhappy. Instead of aspiring to be who we really are, we ran through a list of meeting other people expectations, yearning to be accepted by others. I came to my realization that being happy takes work. I distilled it into 3 lessons.
Lesson 1 - Be Kind and Forgive
Anger is like a hot coal. It burns the person that holds onto it. We wanted to let go, but we think those people does not deserve our sympathy. But the problem on anger is that, the more we focus on it, the more it grows. Our mind internalized the past into our thinking, it thinks about the future and it eventually it becomes a pattern. For example:
"I was betrayed by my spouse. He cheated on me. I do not want to be in love again as the pain is too much for me to bear".
"My last public speaking was a total disaster. I will never speak again."
"My father is a scoundrel. He is irresponsible, abusive and mistreated our family. I will not forgive him for whatever he had done."
Ironically, the antidote for anger is forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn't mean that we do not hold the person accountable, but we allow ourselves to walk free. Forgiveness breaks the destructive anger pattern, even the anger is towards ourselves. Forgiveness creates new room for emotional growth.
Lesson 2 - Reconcile with our dark side
The portrayal of Alex, my dark brother (in actual is the manifestation of my shadow self) had tried hard to protect me. Revenge was the best option that he understand to get the scale even. He continued to exist in my subconscious mind, leading to ongoing destructive behaviors and self-ruining patterns. I shouted at my kids, hot tempered, making bad decisions and even hurting my closest relationship.
I came to realization: "If I do not heal my hurt, I will cut those who did not bleed me." It will be selfish for me if I continued to be so. At the same time, I came to realization feels like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation , resentment, anger, jealousy and fear... are very clear moments that teach me where is that I'm holding back. It acts like internal compass that tell me with terrifying clarity, exactly where I'm stuck.
The way to heal is to recognize, acknowledge, make peace and reconcile with my dark side, which is a product of my past. It can be only done by openly expressing ourselves without masks or pretense, with integrity, self love and self respect. It comes with a risk - that I may be ostracized. But this is the only way for real self breakthrough, coupled with forgiveness.
Lesson 3 - Dream about Future
I observed that those who are happy are dreamers, idealist. They worked towards a future that they believed in.
I aspire to be like Grandma Taala in Disney animation, Moana, guiding her family and descendants to realize their potential and back to root of who they are.
I have a dream. I dream that I see my children and their children grow with emotional fitness and psychology strength to face any challenges in their life.
I have a dream. I dream that I break the manacles of family curse and chains of past, that my descendants live in the seas of abundance.
I have a dream. I dream that I bring healing to our trans generational trauma, rediscover our inter generational wisdom and bring blessings that come with it.
I have a dream. I dream to realize authentic freedom for myself and people around me, that all of us will be free indeed.
I have a dream. That our family will be strong, powerful, living in the earthly and heavenly abundance, at peace with themselves and people around them.
I'm still learning to be happy. Perhaps by accepting who I'm, letting go and forgive the past, making progress and learn to be fulfilled everyday, helping others to realize a meaningful future will make me happy. And that, takes work.
