Just Another Storyteller

Once upon a time there were twin brothers who had an alcoholic father. The father abused them both. One became alcoholic, just like his father. When asked why he became alcoholic, he answered: "I saw my father doing so." Another brother became a very successful entrepreneur and he never touch alcohol. When asked why he never take a single sip of alcohol, he answered: "I saw my father doing so."

We all love stories. We are born for them. Stories form who we are. We all want affirmation that our life has meaning. There is no other greater affirmation that we connect through our stories. It allows us to experience, to bring back life, to feel, to see, to hear and to touch the similarities among ourselves and to others, way beyond the way we can ever imagine. 

It was said Pixar would not survive the onslaught of Disney animations. They were facing the giant who had The Lion King, The Jungle Book, Beauty and the Beast, Tarzan and many other classics. The Disney style was songs, "I want" song, Happy Village song, love story and villain. In stark contrary, Pixar was going against the Disney style. No songs, no "I want" song, no Happy Village song, no love story and no villain. Without these, Pixar was "doomed" for sure. But the Pixar team was too young and rebellious. Because of their unyielding spirit to conformity, they gave rise to many great animation stories - a class of its very own e.g. Toy Story, Finding Nemo, Incredibles and Wall E. Perhaps, there is room for rebel after all. When that inner voice whisper, perhaps we should listen and seek to understand it.  

The stories we tell ourselves will shape who we are. The stories we tell others will affirm who they are. The stories we tell others reflects we we are. The stories we listen to define who we are. 

We may wished to be Dr Strange with the power of Time Stone. But the truth is, nobody can go back and re-start a new beginning. Yet, all of us can start today and make a new ending.  So, what is your story? Who will be in your story? How will you write your story? 

Take back control and write your own life story. 

TME: Fight or Flight

Have you ever swim in open water? 

Swimming in open water is one of the most liberating experience. You come face-to-face with your biggest fear: death. You are open to all the elements of nature which can throw your training out of window, if you do not manage your fear and anxiety well. 

The moment I'm in the water, one part of me screamed out: 

"Get out of there, else you will die!" 

"I'm drowning!"

"The wave is strong. You are going down!"

But yet another small and resilient voice whispered: 

"Give it a shot. You had enough training."

"Keep calm and just keep swimming."

"Your son is waiting for you at the finish line."

I chose to fight instead of flight. I won again. Thank you my old friend, fear. I made me stronger.

I learned that open water swimming experience doesn't have to be just the absence of fear but it can be an enjoyable, confidence-boosting part of my training and racing. Most importantly, I learn how to manage my fear and anxiety. 

Fear is an emotion that is biologically 'ingrained' for the very survival of Homo sapiens - flight or fight when intimidated or threatened. Fear is highly associated with risks - probability of loss. More often than not, fear is taught and pass down from one generation to another.

To overcome this animal - fear, we need our weaponry. Recognize that we all have fear. And accept that fact and face it. The battle is half won.

1. Shield of inner peace. We need to be at peace with ourselves when facing fear. You know who you are, what you do and why you are here. The inner peace will silence the intimidating voice by fear, which often is loud and distracting our mind. With that, you are able to focus.
2. Breastplate of courage. It is the mental strength to overcome fear. Be prepare to have face-to-face sessions with fear. It will protect your heart from being disheartened in event we failed in early attempts.
3. Helm of knowledge. It allows you to creatively use all the resources you had to combat fear. This need to be accumulated by counseling the wise ones, reading and adapting their advice into your own practice.
4. Claymore of determination. Persistent, never give up, just give it another try. This is the only active weapon that I can think of. The rest are passive armors. Many times, fear cannot be slain in one single attempt. But as we go along trying to do that, we will realize that the onslaughts of fear are dwarfed into manageable level.

In face of fear, just do it, anyway.

29 May 2019, Nielsen Malaysia Toastmasters Club

L1P2.2 - Being Happy Takes Work

We all live in if-then society. Get that car and get more chicks, have that bra and have
more boys, have more money and you will be happy. We live through a prescription list, believing that by following this list is the path to our happiness. Is it true?

We spend our entire life learning to be unhappy. Instead of aspiring to be who we really are, we ran through a list of meeting other people expectations, yearning to be accepted by others. I came to my realization that being happy takes work. I distilled it into 3 lessons. 


Lesson 1 - Be Kind and Forgive

Anger is like a hot coal. It burns the person that holds onto it. We wanted to let go, but we think those people does not deserve our sympathy. But the problem on anger is that, the more we focus on it, the more it grows. Our mind internalized the past into our thinking, it thinks about the future and it eventually it becomes a pattern. For example:  

"I was betrayed by my spouse. He cheated on me. I do not want to be in love again as the pain is too much for me to bear".

"My last public speaking was a total disaster. I will never speak again."

"My father is a scoundrel. He is irresponsible, abusive and mistreated our family. I will not forgive him for whatever he had done."

Ironically, the antidote for anger is forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn't mean that we do not hold the person accountable, but we allow ourselves to walk free. Forgiveness breaks the destructive anger pattern, even the anger is towards ourselves. Forgiveness creates new room for emotional growth.


Lesson 2 - Reconcile with our dark side


The portrayal of Alex, my dark brother (in actual is the manifestation of my shadow self) had tried hard to protect me. Revenge was the best option that he understand to get the scale even. He continued to exist in my subconscious mind, leading to ongoing destructive behaviors and self-ruining patterns. I shouted at my kids, hot tempered, making bad decisions and even hurting my closest relationship. 

I came to realization: "If I do not heal my hurt, I will cut those who did not bleed me." It will be selfish for me if I continued to be so. At the same time, I came to realization feels like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation , resentment, anger, jealousy and fear... are very clear moments that teach me where is that I'm holding back. It acts like internal compass that tell me with terrifying clarity, exactly where I'm stuck. 

The way to heal is to recognize, acknowledge, make peace and reconcile with my dark side, which is a product of my past. It can be only done by openly expressing ourselves without masks or pretense, with integrity, self love and self respect. It comes with a risk - that I may be ostracized. But this is the only way for real self breakthrough, coupled with forgiveness. 

Lesson 3 - Dream about Future 

I observed that those who are happy are dreamers, idealist. They worked towards a future that they believed in. 

I aspire to be like Grandma Taala in Disney animation, Moana, guiding her family and descendants to realize their potential and back to root of who they are. 

I have a dream. I dream that I see my children and their children grow with emotional fitness and psychology strength to face any challenges in their life. 

I have a dream. I dream that I break the manacles of family curse and chains of past, that my descendants live in the seas of abundance. 

I have a dream. I dream that I bring healing to our trans generational trauma, rediscover our inter generational wisdom and bring blessings that come with it. 

I have a dream. I dream to realize authentic freedom for myself and people around me, that all of us will be free indeed. 

I have a dream. That our family will be strong, powerful, living in the earthly and heavenly abundance, at peace with themselves and people around them. 

I'm still learning to be happy. Perhaps by accepting who I'm, letting go and forgive the past, making progress and learn to be fulfilled everyday, helping  others to realize a meaningful future will make me happy. And that, takes work. 

27 February 2019, Nielsen Malaysia Toastmasters Club

L1P2.1: How to Kill Somebody

My elder brother always say this: "The answer lies in the heart of battle."

He was given the topic, "How to kill someone". But my elder brother, Alan is too weak to deliver this. So, I take over.

My name is Alex. I'm Alan's dark shadow. For years I have been living within the dark corners of his mind. Only recently, he decided to acknowledge my existence.

It is very easy to kill someone. All you need to do cause and/or induce trauma to the person's body that leads to major organs failure. For examples shooting, stab with knife, knock with stones or even do it subtly with poisoning. For inspiration how to kill someone, watch Hollywood movies and it will give you endless ideas to end somebody's life.

The Ancient Text taught us: "Thou shall not kill". But at the same time, the society taught us: "An eye for an eye, a life for a life." What a hypocrite justice it is!

"Alex, stop it. Just stop it!" "Relax, brother, let me finish what you cannot start!"

It is more fun to create a living hell for someone, rather than to kill him immediately. You can do it legally too. It can be done in 3 simple steps:

First step: Emotional abuse. The objective is to make the person feel worthless, self pity and helpless, in turn. Reprimand them in public, verbal attack, passive aggressive behavior, punish them or threaten to punish. All these is done with the intention to cause emotional trauma without even laying a finger onto them. Once they are emotionally down, they are ready for second step.

Second step: Tempt them with addictive poisonous baits. By the time they were emotionally abused, they will look for "cure" or "quick fix". They will want to fulfill their 4 core emotional need: certainty, variety, significance and love. Offer them alcohol, drugs, gambling and sex. These will be temporary fix to the emotional need. And it is addictive.

By the time they were hooked to those poisonous bait, their intelligence and capacity for judgement will be down to below average. It is the best time to isolate and destroy their emotional support. Plant the idea that they are now in such a sorry and pitiful state because of their love ones did not support them. Help them to grow their frustration eventually hatred towards their family. The best part, these negative emotions will be pass down to their children

By then, my victims will lived in living hell, created in their own mind. They maybe in major depression and having suicidal thoughts. All I need to do is to sit down and watch the drama unfold.

Insanity is just like gravity. All it takes is just a little push. Why kill someone, when you can create living hell in their mind.

Why. So. Serious?


13 February 2019. Nielsen Malaysia Toastmasters Club.