L3P2: The Adopted Orphan

September 1981. Noon. 

 

"I have a 6 months baby boy here. Would you like to baby sit him?" A pretty mamasan in her early 30s asked. 

 

Since then, I addressed her as Nanny. I stayed with her for 12 years. 

 

After I completed my primary school, I went back to my biological family for 2 years. Her granddaughter said: "You must call her Popo, (which means Grandma), not Nanny." Since then, I addressed her as Popo. 

 

11 years ago, I was very fortunate to have the opportunity to holiday with her at Taiwan. After the trip, she asked me, “Do you want to be my son, or my grandson?”

 

“Grandson.”

 

“Why?” She asked.

 

“If I be the grandson, I will be the eldest. The eldest grandson will be treated as youngest son. Double blessings. When my son is borne, he will be eldest great grandson, also the youngest grandson. Quadruple blessings!!”

 

Since then, I addressed her as Great Grandma, fondly as Taima.

 

Taima often reminded me on the medical “adventures” that she had with me. In 2008, she had a gallbladder removal surgery. I was there with her. In 2014, she was diagnosed with early-stage breast cancer. I managed to get her Malaysia’s most authoritative surgeon, Prof Yip to treat her. In May 2019, she was down with serious stomach ulcer rupture. I managed to get her to Hospital Kuala Lumpur to have the best doctor to attend to her, Dr Yau.

 

“Alan, you have save me thrice.”

 

Thrice. Everything that comes in threes are perfect. Then the fourth came…

 

“Alan, something is not right. Taima is not eating her meals and she is sleeping all day long. Her cough is getting worse.”

 

“Let’s have a video call,” I said.

 

“Taima! Alan here. How are you? Chinese New Year is nearby. I will come and visit you ya! I want you to give big ang pows to my kids ya!”

 

No response from her.

 

“I bring to your favourite Japanese food restaurant, you want?”

 

Again, no response.

 

She was admitted to Pantai Hospital Batu Pahat. It was 2 days before Christmas.

 

The doctor came back with his diagnosis. Superbug infection. She was put on very strong antibiotic course for 10 days.

 

She often complained pain at her stomach. She couldn’t sleep. The pain was so intolerable, she often said: “Just let me go, I want to die.”

 

“Taima, my kids are waiting for your ang pow for Chinese New Year. You will be well very soon.” I tried to comfort her.

 

7 days after the antibiotic course, the bacterial infection was subsided. But Taima never regain her appetite. Two spoons of porridge, the most 3 spoons every 2 hours. Her tormenting stomach pain got worse. Severe water retention on her limbs.

 

“What can we do, doctor? Please help her.”

 

“These are often the symptoms of late-stage cancer patients. You can either stay in hospital and continue the dripping, or you can go home. There is no point for us to diagnose, as it will inflict more pain. We have done our best.” It was doctor’s code – prepare for her death.

 

The hardest choice requires the strongest will. We made the hardest decision to take her home. Hour by hour, we witnessed her life withered away. She could no longer swallow. Her breathing was getting slower.  That is the hardest part of palliative care. To experience her life taken away minute by minute.

 

“Taima, don’t worry. We will take good care of ourselves. Follow the light,” I told her. That midnight, 9 January 2023, she departed to Land of Eternal Serenity. We hosted her funeral exactly in the way she instructed us. This Chinese New Year my kids did not receive ang pow from her. This Chinese New Year, I could not bless her the fruits of my labour. I do miss her. I miss you, Taima. Very much. I was an orphan, but because of you, I have a family.

 

My dear friends, I urge you, I urge you to cherish the time you have with your parents. Because we never know how much time we have. Visit them. Call them. While we can. I am grateful that I have the opportunity to say goodbye. While we grief for our loss, we strive to create a better future for ourselves and people around us. Perhaps this is the best honor we can give to our departed loved ones. And perhaps this is the best way to grief.

 

 

 

L3P2: Back to Me

 You could not live with your own failure. Where did that bring you? Back to me. As long as you remember how comfortable it was, and you will always be those, that are unable to accept how glorious your future can be. You will resist. You will find excuses. You will slack off.

 

I am the Resolution 2022 that you have set earlier this year. You gave birth to me, on the hope that I could bring better life to you. But look at you now. You can’t even remember me! What’s your result, measuring against those resolutions that you have made? The truth is: you lose. You lose miserably. Yet you are unwilling to accept. I know what is it like to lose. To feel so desperately that you are right, yet to fail, nevertheless. It is frightening. So, you create new resolutions. No…. you recycle your new year resolutions. With no result, no progress.

 

You said you want better health. Because health is the ultimate wealth. Without health everything else is meaningless.  You want better body shape. That gives you confident, make you feel attractive. You set a resolution on it: “Now look into the mirror right now. I only see the old, rugged, listless self. How many times you went to gym this year? How many times you eat clean? How many times you lift up the weight that can shape your body better? The fact is…. You just went to the gym for the first 2 months. Just like the average. You want to look good, feel healthy, YET you are unwilling to pay the price. So, this year, once again you said to yourself: I want 6 packs abs. At the end of December 2023, you failed. You could not live with your own failure. Where did that bring you? Back to me. Setting new target. And put it on facebook and Instagram 2024 new year resolutions. True imposter. Accept your failure! I don’t care about your hardwork. I want to see your result!

 

You said you want more money. Because money allows you to realize your dreams. Your dreams to have better house. Better cars. Better vacations. Better lifestyle for your family. Helping those who are in need. Now, take out your mobile phone. Go to your bank account. Your balance? Pathetic. Pull out your personal balance sheet. Is that the state you want? Oh, I forgotten. You don’t have personal financial statements. Yet want to get rich. Get the basic right, friend! You want more money, yet you do not want to write that proposal. You want more clients, yet you do not want to make that call. You want more businesses, yet you refuse to network and learn from others. Worst of all, you pretend to be busy, wasting your life away. Congratulations! Accept your failure! I don’t care about your hardwork. I want to see your result!

 

You came to KLBL Toastmasters Club. You love the vibes. You like the people. Oh ya, I learn a lot from these people. You set a resolution: “I want to be like them”. I learn the public speaking and leadership skills. But when your time come to deliver a speech, what did you say: “I’m too busy. I’m not good enough.” Giving hard time to our Mdm President and Handsome VPE to make the meeting works. The meetings are arranged for you! By the time you want to use the speaking and leadership skills, you found yourself fall short. Serve you right! Carry your weight! Be responsible! The skills you wanted can be only obtained with hardwork and commitment! It doesn’t come by pretending to attend meetings. You hated lip service from others, yet you paid yourself with lip-service. How ironic and pathetic!

 

You could not live with your own failure. Where did that bring you? Back to me. As long as you remember how comfortable it was, and you will always be those, that are unable to accept how glorious your future can be. Accept your failure. Your resolution is meaningless, unless you take actions on it. It is your commitment to results that matter.

(A tribute to my favorite Marvel villain, The Mad Titan - Thanos)

 

L5P3: Thank You, My Lady

“Part of the journey is the end. Yet, a new chapter is waiting.”

Life is like a book. Some chapters are sad, some happy and some exciting. But if you never turn the page, you will never know what the next chapters holds. 

Tonight, I have 2 stories to share. These 2 stories I had never shared with anyone. 

The first story is about “The Women I Had Undressed.”

It all begins when I decided to write a romance genre speech with explicit erotica. Sex, religion and politics topics are frowned in Toastmasters community. I wanted to challenge that. Because following is not really my style.

But as I wrote my script, memories of my mother came back. 11 years ago, I had a misunderstanding with my mother after my wedding. It was a small amount of money, less than RM5k. That RM5k unfolded frustrating, emotionally draining family dramas of the past decades. It wasn’t my Mum’s fault, but I refused to listen to her. I did not spoke to her for the next 6 months. 6 months later, she passed away. The last time I saw her was at my wedding. I had no chance to say sorry and goodbye. Since then, I was laden with guilt and grief for the past 11 years. Every single time I delivered this speech, a part of me will sank.

Yet, I finally found peace at Division level contest. I reconciled with the fact that I could not turn back the clock, but I can honor my past by cherishing the present and creating better future. The present is the lady whom I undressed, who fought with her life to bring our 3 beautiful children to this world. I could never, ever match the sacrifice she made for our family.  I see my future in my daughter's eye. I strive to raise my standard as a father, so that the man who is going to undress my daughter will love, care, respect and raise her up more than I could be after my inevitable departure from this world.

The women I had undressed taught me how to love. Thank you, my Lady.

The second story is about “Professional pay”.

November 2021. I received a text from a beautiful, charming lady. “You came highly recommended. We would like to invite you to be our speech trainer.” To be honest, I was thinking, there weren’t much for me to gain as trainer. As much I loved to spend more time with her, saying “No” was my first choice then. 

The day came when I first met her in person. Definitely she was, and is more gorgeous than I saw in Zoom. We had lunch at Paradigm Mall. My first impression on her was “high and cold”, but when it comes to the club matters, she became warm and caring. That lady is none other than our Madam President, Coco Ooi. Bewitched by her beauty, I agreed to be the trainer for the club. 

Weeks passed. We scheduled for the second meet up to iron out the workshop details. It was rainy season and we met at a café in Bukit Jalil. We worked out the detailed plan, and I could see Madam President was very happy with the plan.

Here is the real story behind. I was broke. Totally broke. My house instalment was behind by 2 months. My credit card was maxed out. I was left with RM30 in my wallet. My bank account was almost empty. It was a series of bad decisions and bad timing that landed me into this situation. I was prepared to liquidate the education fund for my kids which I build for years. 

The café bill was about RM70. To save my pride and ego, I told Madam President.

“These are professional work. I think should demand for professional pay.”

Madam President was little taken aback. Her smile disappeared. She asked: “How much is your rate then?”

“My trainer rate is minimum RM 2,500 per day. Today, PJ TMC received special discount. You take up the bill today.”

Immediately her smile came back. “No problem at all!”. Madam President, I wanted to take up the bill that day. That was one of the lowest point in my life. I was totally broke, broken emotionally and spiritually as a father.

 

22 December 2021. The workshop was a success. The attendees were learning and enjoyed themselves. “Alan, the members learned much from you and truly enjoyed themselves tonight. Thank you,” Madam President said to me.

That simple "thank you" dawned something in my heart.  I heard a soft whisper, “Alan, you forgotten your gift. Why do you keep it?”

Indeed, months of tormenting lock downs had taken a serious toll on me. I forgotten my gift – demonic persuasiveness and commanding public speaking skills.

Since then, I channeled my gifts and skills with fiery passion. In barely 3 months’ time, we secured research projects from MRANTI and McDonalds. Never in my life I thought I could directly contribute to livelihood of at least 6 families and indirectly 40+ families.

All these happened because Madam President Coco Ooi, insisted to have me as the trainer for PJ TMC. She sparked positive change and opened a new chapter in my life. For that, I am utmost grateful. For this very reason, I accepted the invitation to be PJ TMC member, playing the role of messenger, to pay back our Madam President.

As a token of appreciation, I have bought a piece of land for our Madam President. By the virtue of having a piece of land in Scotland, under proclamation of Queen Elizabeth, hence forth and in perpetuity be known by style and title of Lady and shall hereafter be known as Lady Coco Ooi Phei Phei.

It is my sincere wish that, one day, not too far into future, I will attend Lady Coco’s  garden beach wedding to give a toast. I even had the ending line: “You lucky man, treat our Lady Coco well, else I will raise the whole Toastmasters community to hunt you down!”

 

To all the PJ TMC members, thank you so much for being such a wonderful audience. I hoped I added value to your Toastmasters journey. Thank you for helping me to reconcile with my past.

While I wished Lady Coco could continue as Madam President for another term, but I know she have a bigger plan for her life. I wish her all the very best in her future undertaking. Thank you, Lady Coco Ooi, for opening a new chapter in my life.

“Part of the journey is the end. Yet, a new chapter is waiting.”

By the authority vested in me as the appointed Messenger to PJ TMC, receive your blessings from Infinite Spirit. 

As we are at the sunset this chapter, let us be grateful for the journey we had together. Allow those wonderful memories and learning to settle into our mind and heart. As we are opening up a new chapter in our life, let those beautiful memories and learnings to become our source of strength, inspiration and encouragement to our life journey. May we become light and blessings for others.

AGM Speech: The Best Dating Platform

After almost 4 years in Toastmasters community, I came to conclusion that Toastmasters is the best dating platform in the market today. At least, you won’t be lied about their height and get “catfished” by fake person that never exist. Most important of all, you get to verify the gender of your preference. Not some Nigerian guys pretending to be pretty girls. Imagine Alan took Coco's Instagram photos to cheat-chat Gary for his money. 

If you are serious in dating scene, Toastmasters is the cheapest, best value for money and safe avenue for you to do so. Of course, you get a chance to meet and greet the ladies or gentlemen that you are interested in. Maybe with a few other subsequent meeting…. And if everything goes well, you may walk the aisle together with him/her.

But not many people understand the ultimate truth of dating. Sales is like dating. Getting our dream job is like dating. Even building our wealth is like dating. We can't woo/chase/hunt the dating candidate we wished for. 

WE CAN ONLY ATTRACT THEM. 

As the saying, birds of the same feathers flock together, the same principle applies to any relationship attraction. The good news is everyone can attract the candidate that they wished for. It could be tough, but absolutely worthwhile. That’s self-improvement. Then, self-exposure. In short, it is marketing. Toastmasters provides both opportunities for improvement and exposure.

I’m deeply grateful for Friendship TMC for giving me this opportunity to lead during the term of 2020-2021. I am even more grateful I am succeeded by Mdm President Tan Geok Ean, who is highly competent, always put me up for exposure (for that matter, sometimes good, sometimes bad). At times she would ask me:  “Alan, just use your charm to get it done.” Till today I do not know what she meant by “charm”, but I know I had to use my demon energy, at times, almost traded with the devil to achieve her request. With no reward.... Quite silly of me. 

I must acknowledge my position as IPP did give me advantage and opportunities that I never thought possible. I believed that President Geok Ean would agree with me. We all learn and grow by assuming roles and responsibilities. By merely rolling our sleeves and get things done, we get to learn parts of ourselves that we did not know or even existed. That gave us a direction and become a powerful resource in our professional and personal life. For example, I could be very persuasive with my demonic demeanor, but I had a huge room for improvement on project management. If this is learned in our professional settings, the price could be high for our future career advancement.

Being an IPP gave me unfair advantage in exposure. “You are Alan, President of FTMC, right?” That recognition had led me business opportunities to conduct market research, working together with the fellow Toastmasters. I was blessed with opportunities to experience from different perspectives, such as the research need of SME is very different from corporates that I dealt with before. Most importantly, I harvested friendships that I believed would last for life.

All these would not be possible if I decided to just be a member of Toastmasters. The real growth demands energy. It requires time, energy and commitment from those who wants it. The opportunity within Toastmasters community is vast. But there is one condition. We need to play the game. Because the prize you want is only for those who in the game. Make your decision, roll up your sleeves and run the race.

As your insanely handsome incoming Area Director, described by Madam President Geok Ean, you have my commitment to assist you in times of need, as we grow and maintain our beloved Friendship TMC. The game is fun, only when you are in the game.

Coming back to the dating scenario. Ladies, if you want to seek gentlemen with high EQ, listen to their speeches and see their actions while they are in club. Rolling up their sleeves and take up leadership role is definitely a plus sign.

Gentlemen, I always believed man should choose their lady who are more intelligent than ourselves. Because science have proven that intelligence is inherited from mothers. How do we know if the intelligence of the ladies? From the speeches and evaluations they gave, and their dedication to their club.

Indeed, Toastmasters is the best dating platform as it offers opportunity to witness a person’s character. No more “catfish” and fake profiles. While we all here to polish our communication skills, these communication skills meaningless without meaningful message. Meaningful messages come from character. Character is built by commitment to be a leader.

Character bestows real power to communication skills.

Photo by Shane Rounce on Unsplash

L4P2: An Hour of Your Time

 “Welcome Alan. Eva is ready.”

“Thank you, Captain Leong.”

Room 203. The door opened. A Malay lady at her 20s showed up. I must say Eva was decent looking, with a pair of bright, intense eyes.

“Alan? Come in. Don’t be shy,” Eva dragged me into her room.

 “RM300. Cash. Pay first.” I passed her the cash.

 “Nope. I am here for an interview. An hour of your time.”

“Interview? Common, all the guys here are for my body. Just clean yourself and we can get into actions.” She leaned her face on my left chest and swirled her fingers playfully on my right chest. She gave me that teasing, flirtatious look through her intense, bright eyes.  She begun to take off her clothes. I saw stretch marks on her waist.

“The washroom is over that side. You can take off your clothes and hang it at the door.”

I knew I had to maintain a respectful physical distance to build trust. I sat on the chair, and I told her in a serious tone, “I am here to know more about your profession as paid girl. Just an hour of your time for this interview.”

She was intrigued. “Ok, since you paid for it.  Can I smoke?”

“Sure.”

I took out my pen and my notebook. She looked at me with a curious eye.

“You are handsome. And kinda cute for your age.”

“Thank you. How long have you been working as paid girl?”

“7 years. Since 2014.”

“Anyone recommended you work here?”

“My boyfriend.” I throw a gaze of utter disbelief.

“Your boyfriend? You knew what you are going to do, but why?”

“I think I was stupid. My boyfriend needed some cash for his drug fix. I thought I loved him by giving him money, but I was wrong. So wrong. Worse, I had his child…..”

“Where is he now?”

“That jerk. He is in Bentong Prison for possessing drugs. Useless man.”

“How many kids you have?”

“2 kids. The eldest son is 7. The second daughter is 2. They are at shelter home. I visit them once a month.”

“Did you try to get a more ‘decent’ job?”

“I was paid pathetically as a part timer promoter. After I paid my rent, I couldn't even give proper meals to my kids. Nobody wanted to hire me. I left school at 16. I was pregnant then. My mum is down with breast cancer. She needs money to save her life. Now. ”

“Why don’t you get your own clients instead of working with Captain Leong?”

“The risks are too high. I’m better off to work with syndicates even though they took half of what you paid. I’m paid less, but the clients I received are screened through. The place is monitored. If I’m caught by law enforcers, it will be over.

If I work alone, I do not know which client will turn nasty. Some were jerks. They attacked us, we were raped and perform sexual acts we never consented. Sometimes, they even threatened to report us to law enforcers. Not single cent paid to us. It is way better to work with these syndicates.”

I fell into deep train of thoughts. We continued to conversation for 40 mins. I got to know her better as a person, rather than a meat for sexual gratification. Even though I disagree what she was doing, she deserved to be respected for the work she is doing. In Eva’s own words:  

“Alan, at the end of the day, we just want to be treated and respected as a worker.”

The existence of sex industry is deeply entrenched by social inequality. Most buyers of sex are men with money, and most sellers are women without. If Eva chooses to sell sex because she is poor, judged by society and can’t find a decent job to support her family, taking that option doesn’t change her socioeconomic status. It made it worse. They are among the most vulnerable group in our society.

Legalization is clearly the way to go. It is to give sex workers like Eva more legal protections, allowing them to resist abuse and report it authorities without fear of arrest. By legalizing prostitution, Eva can work together with her colleagues for safety, employers are accountable to state and Eva’s rights could be protected.

An hour with Eva showed me the irony of society. Irony is prostitution is created and denied. Both by society. It represents a moral, economic and social problem that cannot be solved juridically. To the very least, legalization can protect their rights and respect them as worker. People like Eva are part of our society. We may not agree with their choices, but we can choose to be compassionate, respectful and less judgemental.

 

An hour with Eva showed me the true meaning of respect and compassion.

PS: The names are pseudo name to protect their identity 

Photo by jens holm on Unsplash

 

 

ISTT 2022: The Women I Had Undressed

Undress. To take off one’s clothes. To be in the state of naked or only partially clothed. The women I had undressed taught me how to love.

May 2002, Hospital Sultanah Aminah, Johor Bahru. ICU ward.

“The heart bypass surgery was a great success. With 3 and half heart veins blocked, it was a miracle that she survived,” said the nurse.  

She looked tired, yet there was gaze of happiness in her eyes. I wiped her face and I undressed her. It was the first time in my life undress a lady.  I saw scars of abuse, torn by the man who supposed to protect her. Then I saw a vertical Caesarean scar. It was meant to bring a baby boy to this world. It is the testament of a mother’s ultimate sacrifice.

Stream of tears rolled down my cheeks. I could not resist but planted a kiss on her forehead.

“I am sorry Mum…. I am sorry.”

She smiled gently at me. “I am proud of you, my son.” For coming days, I took the role as a nurse. I learn to undress her pain, sadness and depression that tormented her for half of her life. I undressed my anger, disappointment, misunderstanding and selfishness as a son.  I learn to dress her with pride, joy and dignity as a mother.

 

The women I had undressed taught me how to love.

24 January 2013. 11am. Washroom. Ground floor of a terrace house.

“Those unsightly stretch marks. Broken sleeps. There is only perfect Mum. My baby is crying, but I can’t even give him my breastmilk. I am such a failing mother. I no longer feel attractive. I am just an old hag.”

For any first time Mum without much family support, it was overwhelming. She sat in the washroom, totally worn-out and her self-confidence was in valley of darkness.

I undressed her. For the first time in my life, I learn to truly appreciate a young mother’s body. Engorged painful breast, sagging muscles and uncontrollable weight gain can easily make any lady to doubt her own value.

I was totally heart broken. I planted a kiss on her forehead. “We can fix this, darling. Let’s do this together.” 2 months later after an imperfect and clumsy care by yours truly, I was extremely proud to witness she glowed back to her former beauty with her new identity as a mother.

I learn to undress her doubts, anxiety, and weariness as a new mother. I undress my toxic masculinity, social judgement as a “man” and fake masks to impress. I learn to dress her with my imperfect comfort, care, and calmness as a new father to build her confidence as a mother.

 

The women I had undressed taught me how to love.

2 days before Christmas, 2014. That was the day first time I saw her. She was completely naked. My burning desire drawn me close to her. She held my finger. I press my ears gently on her chest. Her heart was beating fast. I could smell her body scent. Intoxicating. I could not resist but planted a kiss on her forehead.

“Welcome my Princess, Hannah. The precious pearl of our family. You are my Princess because I am your father, the King.”

For the first time in my life, I learn to truly appreciate baby girl’s body. I learn to undress her in the same way that I would carefully open a magic box sealed by angel’s kiss. I undress the love I did not receive from my own father. I learn to dress her with inner peace and love as a father.

 

It was said when you undress a woman, you entered her subconscious kingdom, her scents, her secrets and her treasures. Gentlemen, cherish the women who had undressed for us, because they had gifted us their best treasures from their life. Protect the women whom we undressed, not because they are weak, but because they are utmost important to us. And they taught me to dress up as a better man in their life. 

The women I had undressed taught me how to love. 

I love you all x3000.

Photo by We-Vibe Toys on Unsplash