TME: The Perfect Match

 

The perfect match. We all yearn for it. We all wanted it. We crave for someone that comes along one day and offers us an entire galaxy when we only expected a single planet….. maybe more. Whether it come to career, business and love.

 

In career, we seek earnestly to find purpose, meaning, easy work yet challenging enough for us to grow. Earning a lot of money with single stroke of action. Having a boss who are perfect in everyway: good looking, someone who you can be proud of, wise, decisive and most important of all, protect us and guide us in our way, for our progression. Happily ever after.

 

In business, we dream to find that one client, who gave us big contract, multiple years agreement, No KPIs, payment on time. Perfect in every manner to grow our business. We dream our business partners are perfect in everyway, playing the role of CEO, managers and execs. Most important of all, business sail in the calm sea. Happily ever after.

 

In our love life, we want our other half to be our intellectual equal, trusted confidante, passionate lover, our best friend. On top of that, my plumber, courier service, driver, electrician, Grab food driver, baby sitter, tutor, counselor... Oh ya, always and must remember all the anniversaries including festive season. We are asking a whole village from our partner, so that we can live happily ever after.

 

So, is perfect match really exist? Does soul mate really exist? The one in the million that have perfect chemistry? Bring joy to each other because they see the best in each other? They are each others’ voice and strength? 

I believe perfect match do exist. It just that they won’t appear to us in the perfect form of shiny white knight or beautiful fair princess. They often come in the imperfection form. They add values to each other life. They commit to each other. They work with each other. As time goes, they become fit to each other, made perfect in time and choice. Because none of us is perfect. All of us are work-in-progress. Being happy takes work. So happily ever after takes a lot of work.

 

Precisely because all of us are work-in-progress, that the very reason Toastmasters was founded by Dr Ralph C Smedley in 1924. But the biggest problem was that it was only reserved for men. I find it utterly sexist. Why not allow the young ladies as members too? But after some thoughts, I realized his decision to set the club only for young men was extremely wise, even though it is not well accepted in today’s context.

 

The clue lies in official history narrative: “Smedley saw a need for the men in the community to learn how to speak, conduct meetings, plan programs and work on committees, and he wanted to help them.” It hinted that young men then were in “bad shape”. If the young men can’t lead, can’t speak and communicate well, how can they attract a decent wife? If these young men can’t get their spouses, that will be disastrous to human race. Plus, young men tend to have an inferiority complex. Dr Ralph did not want to embarrass them in front of ladies.  Thus, the decision of the club to be exclusive for young men. Wise decision indeed and being sexist appropriately.  Disclaimer: Please, those were my hypothetical deductive reasoning.

 

Ok, enough joke. Let’s get into the meeting.

Photo by Vardan Papikyan on Unsplash

L3P2: Swan Song.... For Now

 

I speak, I write to illuminate each corner of my darkness, to make me feel my inner self that is still alive– Madhuparna Mishra

I speak, I write till no words left for the swan’s song if I leave. – Sandesh

August 2020. Sabah State Assembly was just dissolved. I was the Club President of Friendship Toastmasters Club then. I received a phone call while I was preparing for our meeting.

“Is this Alan Oh?”

“My name is Handsome Lau. I got your contact from Jacy Wee, Money & You Toastmasters Club.”

“Handsome?” Gosh. Can’t believe someone who is so thick-skinned.

“No. Hanson.”

“Ok. Hanson. How can I assist you?”

“We are chartering a new Toastmasters Club. Would you like to explore that?” After about 10 mins conversation, I agreed to attend demo meeting.

After 5 -6 demo meetings, our Club was finally chartered. KLBL Toastmasters Club. Dr Sawiah was instrumental in getting the formidable, convincing and undisputable ‘numbers’ in.

 

2020 - 2021 was one of my emotionally and financially challenged year in my life. I was loss, lost and lose in most of the aspects in my life. The feeling of thoroughly defeated in life was overwhelming. In fact, overwhelming was an understatement. But I hang on to the faith that there will be a way out and seek earnestly for opportunities to breakthrough.

I was assigned as mentor for Group 4 - Hermes. As days went by, I witnessed the transformation that Mara had. Dira was seeking earnestly for her inner peace and she managed to find pieces of it. Grace, kept trying to overcome her communication challenges. Eventually she did. Lina became a powerful storyteller. Oh ya, I edited the Stevie’s wedding speech. He told me there was magic in my script. But, where is the very magical change I was looking for?

Throughout these very challenging period of time, I must thank Hanson and Naza. Both of them engaged me for my market research expertise to assist their clients. The fees that I received, was sufficient for me to cover some critical expenses of my family. More importantly, the money I received protected my ego as a man and a father from further bruises. Man, is supposed to provide and protect his family. That’s our heavenly mandate.

 

Till January 2021, if my memory serves me correctly, Dr Sawiah shared about sexual transmutation. As a lecherous, impure and lustful man, that caught my attention. In fact, deep attention. I pondered, meditated, thinking about it. Ya right, man only thinking about sex. I totally agree with it. I studied earnestly on sexual transmutation, but the breakthrough that I seek was still nowhere to be seen.

A year later, the Enlightenment moment came. Sexual transmutation is about seeking wisdom of pleasure!! I pieced up the puzzles of sexual transmutation process, overcame my guilt. I began to experience breakthrough that I was seeking for. The right people, solutions and wealth began to pour in. I finally understood and know how to harness the real power of my raw libido. Since then, my life began to move into new trajectory. For better.

 

I owe a huge debt to KLBL TMC members. I know I am not the “typical” “polite” “no-sex-religion-politic” kind of Toastmasters. I do not fit in the bill. But yet, the members here are such a wonderful audience. You all provided me a safe space for me to innovate, to ponder, to experiment new genre of speeches, pushing the boundaries of “typical” Toastmasters. In fact, the members here had unleashed my creativity potential. For that, I’m eternally grateful.

I sincerely appreciate the friendship I had in this Club. Special mentions to Hanson, Naza, Dr Sawiah, Mara, Mey and Dira. I will always remember the deep, intellectual conversations we had. And I do find Cambodian ladies are absolutely brilliant, charming and.... sensual in their very own unique ways.

The demand of family, business and life continues to grow as I moved into the orbit of next phase growth. I made a choice. To seek new growth financially and in character so that I can bring prosperity to my family, and create new values for the people around me. I know that I will not be able to commit to the requirement set by our Club in terms of attendance. The rules must be enforced for the benefit of community regardless their status. Otherwise, the very culture of my beloved KLBL will crumble. As such, I made a tough decision to go on sabbatical.

 

Thank you KLBL TMC, for journeying with me during the toughest time for my life. I owe it to the Club. Please, should the Club need my assistance, please let me know. I am available for drink and definitely a warm hugs from ladies. Ya, gentlemen too.

I speak, I write to illuminate each corner of my dark, to make me feel my inner self that is still alive. I speak, I write till no words left for the swan’s song if I leave.

Till then.... 

Photo by David Clode on Unsplash

L3P2: Between a Boy and a Man

December 23. 2012. Columbia Asia Bukit Rimau. Labour Room 1.

 

I still remember that day when you were born. I witnessed your birth. You were covered in a creamy, waxy substance.

“Daddy, come. Here are the scissors. Cut her umbilical cord.”

I happily did that. There was some blood splattered on my face. Since then, I am a father of a beautiful girl. Now, 20 years later, you grew up as a young, charming lady. I’m very proud to be your Dad.

 

I strive to give you the best, my dear Hannah. Yet, I’m not perfect. There were many times I failed. But deep down in me, I know this: “I’m the standard that my daughter refers to when she chose her spouse. I am that standard.” This is the very reason that drive me to improve myself all the time.

 

My dearest Hannah. Maybe you do not know this. Your grandfather was abusive. Torn down his very own family. All these, because he selfishly refused to grow up as a man. Worse, his daughter, chose a boy for life of your grandfather’s standard. Our family curse, repeated. I was blessed, with your Mum willingness to journey together with me as I learn to be a man. She invested her whole youth years with me. Today, I just hope that she didn’t regret it, while I am still doing my best.

 

Men are biologically designed to focus on women’s body. To gain pleasure. To disseminate their genes. It is survival instincts. As such, boys will give you cheap attentions. Nice gifts, flirting, chatting hours over phones, spending money on you. Those are feel-good attention. I’m sure you feel great being center of attention. Enjoy them, my dearest girl. At the same time, be aware that these are easy attentions that a boy could give. It is not the focus of a man. Man upholds a special space for his lady.

A boy is looking for eye-candy. A girl who looks good on his arm so that he could show off to his so-called buddies. Once satisfied, the girl will be thrown off like a used rag. Whereas a man, is looking for lady of substance. Of course he will want to be stimulated initially by what he sees, he will stick around for a lady with intelligence and compassion. A lady who is secure with herself, as a man looking for a steady partner, not a playmate puppet. Man focuses on building a better life, so that his spouse, can share a better life together with him. 

 

A boy plays mind games, because he doesn’t know what he wants. He loves the adrenaline rush of chase. A man, is not interested in cat and mouse game, looking for clear sign of commitment if a lady is available and interested.

 

There will be time of disagreements. A boy will avoid uncomfortable conversations at all costs. Passive aggressive, lying, avoiding even physical violence to mask their insecurities. Man, is clear about his intention. He can have conversations with you on uncomfortable topics. He knows that the only way to build healthy, steady relationship is through honesty and truth.

My princess Hannah. Men and women are different. Women bears the full biological burden of baby. 9 months pregnancy, breastfeeding, baby care. Men do not need to go through this. Thus, allow yourself to draw in a man who would care for you, who would grow with you. Attract a man that will give you the steady space, so that you can build the life, career, business, family and legacy you wanted. It is not out of need, but out of your want, your desire. When you shift that, you will become very powerful Queen. Because you finally meet your King, that man to complement you. Now can you be safe and tap into your true power as a Queen.

 

My princess Hannah. I raised you up as a lady of substance. Today, I am very heartened to see you grown up to be a intelligent, gorgeous and compassionate lady. No matter how hard or how persuasive, tempting or enchanting a boy could be, remember this: Between a boy and a man, lies his responsibility. And his responsibilities become your destiny. Boy avoids his responsibilities. Man grows stronger with his responsibilities. Choose to settle for the best. For him, your King. For yourself, the Queen.

I love you x3,000.... your father. 

L3P2: The Adopted Orphan

September 1981. Noon. 

 

"I have a 6 months baby boy here. Would you like to baby sit him?" A pretty mamasan in her early 30s asked. 

 

Since then, I addressed her as Nanny. I stayed with her for 12 years. 

 

After I completed my primary school, I went back to my biological family for 2 years. Her granddaughter said: "You must call her Popo, (which means Grandma), not Nanny." Since then, I addressed her as Popo. 

 

11 years ago, I was very fortunate to have the opportunity to holiday with her at Taiwan. After the trip, she asked me, “Do you want to be my son, or my grandson?”

 

“Grandson.”

 

“Why?” She asked.

 

“If I be the grandson, I will be the eldest. The eldest grandson will be treated as youngest son. Double blessings. When my son is borne, he will be eldest great grandson, also the youngest grandson. Quadruple blessings!!”

 

Since then, I addressed her as Great Grandma, fondly as Taima.

 

Taima often reminded me on the medical “adventures” that she had with me. In 2008, she had a gallbladder removal surgery. I was there with her. In 2014, she was diagnosed with early-stage breast cancer. I managed to get her Malaysia’s most authoritative surgeon, Prof Yip to treat her. In May 2019, she was down with serious stomach ulcer rupture. I managed to get her to Hospital Kuala Lumpur to have the best doctor to attend to her, Dr Yau.

 

“Alan, you have save me thrice.”

 

Thrice. Everything that comes in threes are perfect. Then the fourth came…

 

“Alan, something is not right. Taima is not eating her meals and she is sleeping all day long. Her cough is getting worse.”

 

“Let’s have a video call,” I said.

 

“Taima! Alan here. How are you? Chinese New Year is nearby. I will come and visit you ya! I want you to give big ang pows to my kids ya!”

 

No response from her.

 

“I bring to your favourite Japanese food restaurant, you want?”

 

Again, no response.

 

She was admitted to Pantai Hospital Batu Pahat. It was 2 days before Christmas.

 

The doctor came back with his diagnosis. Superbug infection. She was put on very strong antibiotic course for 10 days.

 

She often complained pain at her stomach. She couldn’t sleep. The pain was so intolerable, she often said: “Just let me go, I want to die.”

 

“Taima, my kids are waiting for your ang pow for Chinese New Year. You will be well very soon.” I tried to comfort her.

 

7 days after the antibiotic course, the bacterial infection was subsided. But Taima never regain her appetite. Two spoons of porridge, the most 3 spoons every 2 hours. Her tormenting stomach pain got worse. Severe water retention on her limbs.

 

“What can we do, doctor? Please help her.”

 

“These are often the symptoms of late-stage cancer patients. You can either stay in hospital and continue the dripping, or you can go home. There is no point for us to diagnose, as it will inflict more pain. We have done our best.” It was doctor’s code – prepare for her death.

 

The hardest choice requires the strongest will. We made the hardest decision to take her home. Hour by hour, we witnessed her life withered away. She could no longer swallow. Her breathing was getting slower.  That is the hardest part of palliative care. To experience her life taken away minute by minute.

 

“Taima, don’t worry. We will take good care of ourselves. Follow the light,” I told her. That midnight, 9 January 2023, she departed to Land of Eternal Serenity. We hosted her funeral exactly in the way she instructed us. This Chinese New Year my kids did not receive ang pow from her. This Chinese New Year, I could not bless her the fruits of my labour. I do miss her. I miss you, Taima. Very much. I was an orphan, but because of you, I have a family.

 

My dear friends, I urge you, I urge you to cherish the time you have with your parents. Because we never know how much time we have. Visit them. Call them. While we can. I am grateful that I have the opportunity to say goodbye. While we grief for our loss, we strive to create a better future for ourselves and people around us. Perhaps this is the best honor we can give to our departed loved ones. And perhaps this is the best way to grief.

 

 

 

L3P2: Back to Me

 You could not live with your own failure. Where did that bring you? Back to me. As long as you remember how comfortable it was, and you will always be those, that are unable to accept how glorious your future can be. You will resist. You will find excuses. You will slack off.

 

I am the Resolution 2022 that you have set earlier this year. You gave birth to me, on the hope that I could bring better life to you. But look at you now. You can’t even remember me! What’s your result, measuring against those resolutions that you have made? The truth is: you lose. You lose miserably. Yet you are unwilling to accept. I know what is it like to lose. To feel so desperately that you are right, yet to fail, nevertheless. It is frightening. So, you create new resolutions. No…. you recycle your new year resolutions. With no result, no progress.

 

You said you want better health. Because health is the ultimate wealth. Without health everything else is meaningless.  You want better body shape. That gives you confident, make you feel attractive. You set a resolution on it: “Now look into the mirror right now. I only see the old, rugged, listless self. How many times you went to gym this year? How many times you eat clean? How many times you lift up the weight that can shape your body better? The fact is…. You just went to the gym for the first 2 months. Just like the average. You want to look good, feel healthy, YET you are unwilling to pay the price. So, this year, once again you said to yourself: I want 6 packs abs. At the end of December 2023, you failed. You could not live with your own failure. Where did that bring you? Back to me. Setting new target. And put it on facebook and Instagram 2024 new year resolutions. True imposter. Accept your failure! I don’t care about your hardwork. I want to see your result!

 

You said you want more money. Because money allows you to realize your dreams. Your dreams to have better house. Better cars. Better vacations. Better lifestyle for your family. Helping those who are in need. Now, take out your mobile phone. Go to your bank account. Your balance? Pathetic. Pull out your personal balance sheet. Is that the state you want? Oh, I forgotten. You don’t have personal financial statements. Yet want to get rich. Get the basic right, friend! You want more money, yet you do not want to write that proposal. You want more clients, yet you do not want to make that call. You want more businesses, yet you refuse to network and learn from others. Worst of all, you pretend to be busy, wasting your life away. Congratulations! Accept your failure! I don’t care about your hardwork. I want to see your result!

 

You came to KLBL Toastmasters Club. You love the vibes. You like the people. Oh ya, I learn a lot from these people. You set a resolution: “I want to be like them”. I learn the public speaking and leadership skills. But when your time come to deliver a speech, what did you say: “I’m too busy. I’m not good enough.” Giving hard time to our Mdm President and Handsome VPE to make the meeting works. The meetings are arranged for you! By the time you want to use the speaking and leadership skills, you found yourself fall short. Serve you right! Carry your weight! Be responsible! The skills you wanted can be only obtained with hardwork and commitment! It doesn’t come by pretending to attend meetings. You hated lip service from others, yet you paid yourself with lip-service. How ironic and pathetic!

 

You could not live with your own failure. Where did that bring you? Back to me. As long as you remember how comfortable it was, and you will always be those, that are unable to accept how glorious your future can be. Accept your failure. Your resolution is meaningless, unless you take actions on it. It is your commitment to results that matter.

(A tribute to my favorite Marvel villain, The Mad Titan - Thanos)

 

Area Director Message: Be Your Best Self

Yang berusaha Puan Pengelola Majlis, selaku Presiden Kelab Pidato EPF, Diana Md Ashar; Puan Pengerusi Majlis Hana Shazwin, Yang berbahagia En. Iwan Azlan Mokhtar, selaku Ketua Pegawai Sumber Manusia, Tuan Teoh Chun Ming selaku Pegarah Daerah Kelab Pidato 102, Tuan Srinivas selaku mantan Pegarah Daerah, pegawai-pegawai kanan Kelab Pidato Daerah 102, ahli-ahli Exco, Tan Sri, Puan Sri, Dato, Datin yang akan datang, tuan-tuan, puan-puan dan para hadirin sekalian. Assalammualaikum dan salam sejahtera. 

Ingin merasa kuah berkari,

Datang ke majlis malam ini;

Rasaku riang tidak terperi,

Bersua muka dengan rakan di sini.

I still remember it was sometime around August when my “beloved” Division D Director called me: “Alan, I am going to park EPF TMC club under you.” “So, is it considered a new club?” I asked, thinking that I could have a new club chartered under me. “Nope. It will be considered as base club.” I thought I could get a free meal. 

Throughout these period of time, the meetings were conducted online. The timing was intended to give convenience for the members. The challenge is to get external role players. We understand the challenges of corporate clubs. Nevertheless, the officers in District 102 gave the support to the very best of our ability.

As your Area Director, it is very heartening to witness tremendous growth among the club members. Yasmin Zeker, during the club contest, told me: “Alan, I feel anxious lahhh… I'm not humorous”. And she won second place in the Area level humorous speech contest. Come on, Yasmin, give yourself more credit. To add feather to the club achievement, Hana Shazwin, won the third place in recent Area level speech evaluation contest. Mind you, she was rubbing shoulders with past District finalists! Very strong contenders! I was deeply touched by Mdm President Diana’s speech. I heard it twice. Madam President, your courage won my deepest admiration. It was not easy to stand in front of public and share some of your deepest pain in life.  How can I forget BK! Just one whatsapp, he took up the role as SAA for Area contest in less than 24 hour notice. All these, showed the passion of EPF TMC members to their personal growth, taking responsibilities and most important of all, discover and nurture their innate talents. 

Our motto in Toastmasters is “Where Leaders are Made.” The key word: “Leaders, Made”. It is often thought Toastmasters is a place to practice public speaking. It is more than that.  In business, it is often thought that cost of goods sold, salaries, wages and benefits are the highest cost recorded in financial statements. However, if we were to think deeper, the most expensive costs are not these. It is cost of decision-making, learning and communication. Allow me to explain. 

We make hundreds of conscious decisions each day. As an entrepreneur, often, I have to make decisions that could impact survivability of my business. One right decision, our business shall thrive. One wrong decision, we die. Thus, making right decision is a critical skill as a leader. 

Imagine this. Your boss given you a task. Upon completion of this task one of you will be promoted. But it is the first time that you are doing the task. What if you have some relatable experience before? What if you know how to learn effectively? You will stand a better chance, don’t you? The skill to learn is one of the most valuable skills today. 

Communication. You saw the man or lady that you want to date. If you talk…. Hel.....looo…. My....name is Clement Chew. Do you think you stand a chance to get a date? Or if your boss asked: “Why should I promote you?” And you answered: “Because I am the best in the whole wide world.” Do you think you stand a chance to get the promotion? 

This is what I see the real value of Toastmasters. We learn all these skills in a safe community environment. We learn how to deliver projects so that we can make better decisions.  We learn how to learn, so that we can add value to the people around us, faster. We learn how to communicate, so that whatever we ask, we desire, can be given to us. In short, in Toastmasters, we are preparing ourselves so that when the opportunities arise, we can shoulder challenges, becoming a better person, eventually enjoying better quality of life. Therefore we are in Toastmasters.

Thus, to the Chief Human Resource Officer, Tuan Iwan, I implore you, to consider seriously and include Toastmasters community as one part of your strategic pillar to develop outstanding human capital to EPF, eventually our beloved country Malaysia. In the presence of senior District Officers of D102 Toastmasters, we are committed to give our full support to grow the club. To the EPF TMC Exco members, keep your fire burning. Have faith that this community of Toastmasters will help you to grow. To the future members, experiencing is believing. Join our meeting. My words are not doing justice to the benefits I received from Toastmasters.

It is my utmost privilege to be here in this blessed meeting tonight. By the authority of Toastmasters International vested in me, mandate given by Area D5 Council as Area Director, guided by values of Toastmasters International of Integrity, Respect, Service and Excellence, I look forward to grow together with EPF TMC members to become their very best self. 

Random Thoughts: In the Face of Death

 “The highest tribute to the dead is not grief but gratitude.” – Thornton Wilder

We can’t predict our death. But to the very least, we can plan for it. It may happen in accordance with our wish. Or it may not.

To save myself from embarrassment, can I request my embalmer to be a gentleman. Least I am put in awkward scene with a lady embalmer on my highly possible Angel Lust. Suit me up with Sapphire Phoenix, my favorite waistcoat suit. If it is possible, assign a beautiful and intelligent lady mortician, who is undergoing some tough life challenges to do my final makeup. I may offer her some assistance in silent. By grace and mercy, I will still maintain my good looking.

Put me into a simple casket. Minimal decoration. I’m a Christian, and I appreciate a coffin with no religious sign. Having a Calvary Cross on my coffin doesn’t guarantee my place in Heaven. Thus, casket design doesn’t matter.

Yiruma’s music collection to be played, especially the title of: River Flows In You, Kiss the Rain, Reminiscent, If I Could See You Again and Hope. Along with it Marvel relaxing piano jazz music – The Avengers, I Am Iron Man and Can You Dig It. The piano version of The Portals will be the casket processional music.

Decorate the memorial parlor with ivory and lavender purple. Those were the colors of my wedding ceremony then, on 11 June 2011. Have a central wreath. Lilies, roses and lavender. The design to be Iron Man’s first arc reactor, with the words: Proof That Alan Oh Has a Heart.

May I humbly request, no religious ornaments, no sermons. My guests will be from various faith. I would like them to be comfortable and at ease.

Have a small playground for the kids. Let them play and have fun. Ideally, have a PlayStation too. My favorite Street Fighter series are most welcome.

To my guests, come in spirit of celebration and joy. Wear your most honorable costumes, be it professional or traditional. The costume that you are most proud of. Put on with utmost pride. You never know who you are going to meet at my funeral. He/She may change your life for better.

Please, bring along the photos and videos on the moments we had together. Especially if you had our silly, crazy photos and videos. Let’s play it on a 60” TV. We share our memory lane together with other guests.

Serve my guests with Chinese Art tea. Have baristas to make premium coffee for them. Typical Americano, Latte and Cappucino are must-have. Plain water to be available in iced or warm. Have Merlot for my guests. But limit only to 2 glasses per guest. Drive safe, my friends.

For those who would like to give an eulogy, you will be given 5-7 minutes, the standard Toastmasters practice. Your speech will be recorded. Let’s turn it into a speech marathon. Who knows, I may give you an evaluation. Either deliver straight into your dream or when we meet again.

Condolence money are most welcome. All of it will be donated to orphanage and shelter homes, as money is needed for the living, not for the dead. Children is our hope. It is my sincere hope that little monies may lighten up their days, even momentarily. I had prepared the fund for this funeral of mine.

I hope that my body will be cremated. Scatter my ash in open water sea. I love the sea. For its nature of nurturing and raging mystery. Because I love to swim. As I swim to my life, so do I swim to eternity.

PS: I'm not in depression or suicidal. It is an exercise of Begin with the End in Mind.

Photo by Rhett Noonan on Unsplash

Message as Area D5 Director: Together-Everyone-Accomplish-More (TEAM)

Message from your Insanely Handsome Area D5 Director:

The Humorous Speech and Evaluation Contest 2022 – 2023 for Area D5 was finally concluded. Truth to be told, it was the second biggest ‘party’ that I ever hold in my life, after my wedding. It was not easy for me, because at personal level, I’m a private person, even though my social media may tell you otherwise.

 

I believe speech contest is the fastest way to develop public speaking skills. It demands the speaker to learn, benchmark himself/herself and improve in the shortest time possible. It allows us to know our strengths and weaknesses, by contrasting ourselves with more competent speakers.

 

I’m extremely proud of our club members here. There is no doubt that Area D5 have the highest number of pretty and intelligent ladies in District 102. More importantly, in the hidden, founding spirit of Toastmasters, I witnessed the gentlemen in our Area have grown much, both at personal and professional level. 14 contestants!! Every club sent their representatives!! We had winners from all clubs for both contests!!! I’m a darn proud Area Director!! The ladies spoke with their supreme intelligence and feminine emotional engagement. The gentlemen’s speeches were methodologically prepared and delivered with profound masculine courage. All the speeches and evaluations were masterfully delivered, in the perfect manner as it meant to be, just as was envisioned by our founder, Dr Ralph C. Smedley. As your Area Director, I take heart, hopeful and comforting to be part of your Toastmasters journey.

 

It took much energy to organize a contest at this level. It demands organization and project management skills (which I am trying to fill the gap), relationship cultivation, belief of givers gain, spirit of contribution, amalgamated in values of Toastmasters: Integrity, Respect, Service and Excellence. The contest could never be delivered on a volunteering basis without demonstration of these values.  

 

I would like to express my special gratitude to pretty and intelligent ladies who came in my aid to deliver this contest during the eleventh hour. First of all, is Law Hooi Bian from PJ TMC. Her supreme execution skills were magnified thousand times with her passionate dedication to her club and Toastmasters community. Without her playing the critical behind the scenes role as Zoom Masters and Multimedia Master, this contest could never be delivered in such a smooth manner. Special thanks to Valerie Goh from Summit TMC, who took up the role of Contest Toastmasters with a 12-hour notice. Her elegant and compassionate voice took off much load from me, at the same time, soothing the anxiety among the contestants. Despite miscommunication episode (my bad, seriously) Nicole Choe from Phoenix TMC and Chong Jie Yi from My Puchong TMC still agreed to play their role as Timer and Ballot Counter respectively. Sajni, from Summit TMC, helped me much as Test Speaker with her very timely and apt speech “The Monkey”. Not to forget Mujana from Gamuda TMC agreed to be Timer on a 10-hour notice.

 

The gentlemen came in aid in spirit of brotherhood. Just right after EPF TMC club contest, Beng Kuan (fondly known as BK) offered his help. In the last minute, I reassigned him as Sergeant-at-Arm, which he gracefully accepted. Also, I had been working closely with Muhammad Arif, the young, calm and collected gentleman who is Area D4 Director to organize this joint contest. Special mention to the pillar of the contest (I hate to admit it), our Division Director, Clement Chew had been pulling the strings to bring in necessary resources to run the contest.

 

Thank you for all the panel judges for Area D4 contest (You know who you are…. Can’t disclose here), thank you very much for your assistance and advice. As Chief Judge, I think I have much to learn from everyone of you.

 

To the winner of Area D5 contest, Mr. President of PJ TMC, Qun Feng and DTM Lay Theng:  Words cannot describe how proud I was the moment I saw the winner list. Now, Both of you have a bigger task: To make the members of Area D5 proud. More importantly, make yourself proud of your own achievements. Discover hidden talents and power within you. Thus, I challenge both of you: To raise your speech and evaluation standard to District level. As such, you have my full support, in which I will impart all my public speaking knowledge and framework, no reservation, to further develop your unique style. This is my commitment to Area D5 members. We shall reach District level.

 

Even though the contest was concluded, deep down in me, I wished I could do more. I had given my best, juggling the priorities among livelihood, beloved family and Toastmasters. Thank you so much for everyone who came in together in spirit of Toastmasters. I’m grateful for your presence, contribution and sense of extended family in this contest. I learn much, and I hope you too, had gain something out of this contest experience. Together, Everyone Accomplished More.

 

See you at your peak.

Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash

L1P3 - Affair: The Faces Behind the Forbidden Desire

 “Thou shalt not commit adultery.” – Exodus 20:4

 

“Whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.” – Matthew 5:28

 

Adultery has existed since marriage was invented. Infidelity has a tenacity that marriage can only envy, so much so, that it is the only commandment that is repeated twice in the Bible: once for doing it, and once just for thinking about it. I take pride that I’m so… pure and innocent in my thoughts…..

 

Why is the forbidden so erotic? What is it about affair that make it so potently desirable? And why does sex make babies, and babies spell erotic disaster in couples?

 

The truth is, infidelity is common among us. It is endemic. According to Pewter Research, 90% of Malaysian in opinion that having an affair is morally wrong.  If men could be trusted, the swine could climb a tree. I tend to agree. More than 80% Malaysian men will have an affair – if there is an opportunity to do so. For Malaysian women, they are more "trustable"..... more than 70% will do the same. So how do we reconcile what is universally forbidden, yet universally practiced? What drives affair among committed couples?

 

Marriage is an economic institution you were given a partnership for life in terms of children, social status, succession and companionship. Biologically speaking, men, relied on women’s fidelity to ensure his DNA is passed down. 

 

At the heart of sustaining desire in a committed relationship, it is the reconciliation of two fundamental human needs: Certainty and uncertainty.  On the one hand, our need for security, predictability, safety, dependability, reliability, permanence. All these anchoring, grounding experiences brings emotional stability to our life. On the other hand we also have an equally strong need for uncertainty:  adventure, novelty, mystery, risk, danger, the unknown, unexpected, surprise, journey, travel. All these floating, unsettled experience brings us emotional excitement to our life.

 

The problem arises when we got greedy, thanks to K-Pop dramas. We want our partner to still give us all these things, but in addition I want you to be my best friend, trusted confidant, passionate lover, intellectual equal. Give me stability and certainty. Give me excitement and unpredictability. We are asking a village out of our partner!

 

Ask anyone who had affair, typically they would tell you:

 

“Everything changed ever since we had a baby.  I feel neglected. There is no longer excitement in our relationship. Then he/she came about. We got close to each other…. He/She made me feel.... special. He/She made me feel.... alive. As you can see, both needs of certainty and uncertainty are not met, coupled with promise/delusion that it could be met outside their committed relationship. That's the recipe of an affair. 

 

The typical assumption is that if someone cheats, either there's something wrong in your relationship or wrong with you. If you have everything you need at home, then there is no need to go looking elsewhere.  We assumed that there is perfect marriage that will prevent affairs among us, and our marriage is perfect. But what if passion has a finite shelf life? What if there are things that even a good relationship can never provide? If even happy people cheat, what is it about?

 

Contrary to what you may think, affairs are way less about sex. It is a lot more about desire: desire for attention, to feel special, to feel important. The fact that you can never have your lover, the secretive structure of an affair, keeps you wanting. It is an emotional black hole that is very hard to fill. 

 

If you want to have a healthy, committed relationship – remember the face of affair. It is all about desire. Desire for certainty and uncertainty. Create that desire intentionally with your partner. Bring in the uncertainty into your relationship: adventure, novelty, mystery, risk. Anchor it with security, predictability, safety. Do it together. Go for a holiday together. Plan and execute a life goal together.  As we can never satisfy all our partner’s need, but we can strive to be a better man and better lady, by having better affair with our committed partner. 

Thou shalt not commit adultery. Whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

 

Merry Valentines.

 

Area Director Speech 02: Decide

“Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, for they are charming gardeners who make our souls blossom. – Marcel Proust”

 

Our club motto is very simple: Friends helping friends to succeed. It is our aspiration that our Family Members attained success in life with strong interpersonal and leadership skills. We are committed, dedicated and pledged to support our Family Members through meaningful, extraordinary friendship throughout their Toastmasters journey.  

 

We all know, the definition of success varies from each individual to another. As I continued in my Toastmasters journey, I experienced many failures. I witnessed friendships faded. Worse, I gone through the pain of failing relationships.

 

The truth is, we can’t help everyone to be successful, but we can decide to be successful. Indeed, many of my friends came in aid of my success in life. For that, I am very thankful. At the same time, I am fully aware that my Family Members here could not help me, unless I decided to receive help. Vice versa, I can only help my Family Members here, if only you, decided to receive help.

 

Decide – To make up one’s mind. To make a judgement or determine a preference. To come to conclusion. The root word “decide” have Latin origin. “De” means is to cut off, whereas the “cide” have root meaning of “to strike”.  Thus, in order for us to make decision, there are two parts: Cut-off unnecessary options, act upon the choice we make. If we are not making any decision, that a decision itself - no cut-off, no action. 

 

I think Toastmasters is a great platform for us to practice making decisions. We can decide the content of speech we deliver. We can decide on the positions we want to take. We can decide on the relationships we want to invest. To members, your utmost priority in Toastmasters journey is not meetings you attended, people you know. It is DECISION on what you want throughout Toastmasters journey. Once the decision is made, let us know, so that we, as Family Members of Friendship TMC can help you.

 

To the Exco team, decide on how you want to support the members and how members can support you. After 4 years of ups and downs in Toastmasters, I came to a simple 3 questions to decide on investment into any relationship, be it romantic, professional or personal. The 3 questions are:

1.        Can I add value to our relationship?
2.         Can he/she add value to our relationship?
3.         If yes to both, how can we work together?

By asking these 3 questions, it gave me immense clarity on how I can proceed with any relationship. For the Exco, make a collective decision for the benefit of yourself and Friendship family whole. Remember, tell us how we can support, so that you could be supported to be successful in your tasks.

 

To our beloved Mr President, under Toastmasters leadership handbook, there is a list of tasks that you need to perform. But the most important responsibility of you, as Club President, as spiritual leader and as CEO of this family, is to make quality decision for your personal growth, so that you can serve better as Club President.  Make every single President speech count. Gain personal clarity, skills and emotional fitness. Inspire others to work with you. Strive to create impact by making decision. You are given that authority and mandate to live this life, thus, don’t go through life…. But DECIDE to grow through life. Quoting Tony Robbins – “Your life changes the moment you make a new, congruent and committed decision.”

 

There is a time when you have to choose between turning the page and closing the book. As for me, I made the decision to continue my life journey with Friendship TMC. I look forward to opening up a new chapter of as your Insanely Handsome Area Director. Let us continue to “Friends helping friends to succeed.”

Photo by m0851 on Unsplash